Yes, I write letters. Not just any letters though. I write angry letters. In, what I presume is, the great British tradition of passive aggressiveness, I write politely phrased letters to whoever I believe might be responsible for whatever it is that makes me furious, kindly asking them to ‘SORT IT ASAP YOU HEAR ME?‘. Most of the time, I get angry about the cleanliness of places, or sexism in the media; Metro is one of my favourite targets regarding the former, and public areas in Manchester for the latter. Or vice versa. You know what I mean.
As I am currently drafting a letter to my MP, Mr John Leech (yes, it’s THAT serious. I will use the word ‘eyesore’ and send an actual letter in the mail), I thought I might as well share my passion with you. Please find attached an email I sent to the Heaton Park management team in June 2010 after a visit to the ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’ performance regarding the toilet facilities.
Dear* Heaton Park team,
while I appreciate* Heaton Park as great* and rather tidy* park, I was shocked to find the toilet facilities near the farm centre in a terrible condition last weekend. The general cleanliness of the facilities was poor, hardly any of the doors could be locked, the washing basins were dirty and there was absolutely no tissue available – other visitors commented that it was almost as bad as “portaloos at a festival”. I visited the park on Sunday 20th June to watch the Shakespeare play and I expected the facilities to be looked after, especially for such an event.
Please take this as a kind* suggestion to improve the bathrooms to make Heaton Park more pleasant* for all visitors.
Thank you very much*,
Angry Letter Lady.
I’m such a twat.
Nevertheless, here’s the reply I received from Mr Peter Davenport, only a few days later:
Dear* Samantha
May I first thank you for your email regarding the condition of the toilet block.*
At Heaton we make every effort to ensure that all our visitors leave the facility with every intention to return after a satisfying experience, it is always disappointing to have reports that our facilities are being maintained under standard, our contracted clean team are responsible for the maintenance of all the toilet facilities within the Park and have to monitor them at least every hour and clean where necessary, as you can appreciate with visitor numbers so high this sometimes has downsides to the service when monitoring other buildings within the Park. […]
We will ensure that your supportive* comments and constructive* criticism are relayed to the clean team so that any further operations maybe implemented however as detailed above we will occasionally due to heavy use fall below standards expected from the management of Heaton Park. Once again on behalf of Heaton Park I would like to apologise* for any inconvenience caused and hope this will not reflect on any future decision to visit.
Regards
Peter G. Davenport
Well, thank you Peter, thumbs up for the quick reply and the friendly reply. Much appreciated. Angry Letter Lady is happy again.
* Clear sign of passive aggressive behaviour.
Sam Bail 
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