When I first launched Third Place Bar almost exactly three years ago, I wasn’t even one month sober yet, but the idea of an alcohol-free bar had been on my mind for a long time.
Why were there so few “third places” in New York City that stayed open late and didn’t revolve around drinking? So I set out to create one, starting with pop-up events to test out the concept, understand the space better, and build up a community.
Three years, nearly 100 events, and thousands of guests later, Third Place Bar has grown into many things… just not an actual brick & mortar bar. The name stayed, but it started to feel misaligned with what I was actually doing: hosting pop-up events, exploring sober-friendly nightlife in NYC, and sharing the things I’ve learned along the way.
So… I’ve changed the name. That’s all. After two weeks of overthinking, hours of meetings, and endless text messages, I landed on Bright Nights Social. To me, the name captures the joy of going out, finding community, and being fully present for it.
It’s also a nod to:
My obsession with disco balls.
Bright Lights, Big City – I randomly found the book on the street in NYC last year and absolutely love it.
Okay, so – I recently quit drinking alcohol and started a series of non-alcoholic social events in New York City called “Third Place Bar”. There’s a whole blog post waiting to be written on that topic, but until then I’ll leave you with an episode of the Sober Sallies podcast where I talk about my own story. In this post, I just want to highlight the insanely fast growing sober community in New York City that’s gone way beyond AA meetings in church basements, and list a bunch of resources for people in NYC that want to discover more alcohol-free social spaces. Here you are.
Non-alcoholic bars in NYC
Hekate in the East Village
Hekate: The first completely sober neighborhood bar in NYC. Located in the East Village and it’s definitely got some quirky EV vibes. They occasionally have events on, and their resident Tarot reader Matt is a sweetheart. You’ll probably find me there a couple of times a week.
Fat Tiger: The latest addition to the NYC booze-free scene, Fat Tiger is a dry speakeasy bar/lounge just a couple of blocks away from Hekate in the East Village. They just opened in March 2023 and it’s still a work in progress, but the staff are lovely and the craft cocktails and food are promising.
Kava Social: A kava bar in Brooklyn. I’ve never actually been, but they have a pretty big community that loves their kava, worth checking out!
Non-alcoholic events in NYC
Absence of Proof: Super successful non-alc cocktail pop-ups in NYC, upscale vibe. They’re running an event almost every week (mostly Manhattan).
Sober in Central Park: My buddy Rachel just started her own sober event production company, focusing on highly curated events in NYC! Check out her website for upcoming events and sign up for the mailing list to stay in the loop.
Third Place Bar: Yup, that’s me! I started running non-alc bar pop-up events with a neighborhood bar vibe in Brooklyn. I’m aiming to have a permanent space at some point, but for now I’ll keep hijacking coffee shops after hours for bar hangs and events like trivia nights and comedy shows 🙂 Check the website for upcoming events, sign up for the mailing list, follow on Instagram, do all the fun stuff and show us some ❤️.
Non-alcoholic bottle shops in NYC
Minus Moonshine in Brooklyn
This is a quick list of the booze-free bottle shops that I know of. I wouldn’t necessarily think of them as “social spaces”, but I recommend following them on social media and subscribing to their newsletters: Most shops usually have tastings on several times a week, and they host the occasional special event!
Spirited Away: A lovely non-alc bottle shop in Soho, the staff are super knowledgeable. Big selection of spirits, wines, and cocktails, maybe a little less so on non-alc beer. Super fast same-day delivery in Lower Manhattan!
Minus Moonshine: Another independently owned bottle shop in Prospect Heights. The owners Aqxyl and Juan are absolutely wonderful and have been supporting Third Place since day 1! Huge selection in a small space, tons of beer, loose cans (super useful if you want to just taste something instead of buying a 4 or 6 pack!) and lots of open bottles for samples if you’re unsure.
Sechey: A beautiful non-alc bottle shop in the West Village. Apparently the NYC location is just a pop-up, but it’s been around since fall 2022!
Boisson: A national chain of non-alc bottle shops, they have several locations in NYC and Brooklyn. I personally prefer the independently run shops, but you do you babe!
Sober community groups in NYC
Definitely not something I’m an expert on, so here’s just a short list of communities that I know of or have personally been in touch with that run meetings and events (mostly free!). I’d say these are more focused on people in recovery rather than people that are “just” sober-curious.
AA Inter-Group: The NY chapter of AA, tons of meetings pretty much round the clock. The Midnite and 12th Street meetings tend to have a younger demographic (according to a friendly Redditor).
Now You Understand and Young and Wise are AA groups specifically for young people that meet on Zoom and in person in lower Manhattan.
I also want to point out that there’s plenty of criticism of AA, but I also know people that had a lot of success with it, so I figured I’d list it anyway.
The Phoenix: A non-profit that organizes frequent free community events like running, climbing, and social events. I know some of the folks that are involved and they’re wonderful.
Big Vision NYC: Similar to the Phoenix, they run free community events for sober folks (most recently paintballing!).
This list was last updated 4/2/2023 and I might be making some edits in the future.
This might be important context for some of y’all who come from a different background: I never exercised consistently in my life. I’ve never participated in any competitive sports. In part because that’s just how I grew up (see also my post on “Is it okay to just be okay?“), and in part because competitive sports aren’t as big a deal in German schools and colleges as they are in the US. I only got into running casually in college, and only started taking it more seriously (i.e. tracking my times) in early 2020 when I embarked on my “52 weeks, 52 albums” running project.
I also used to get absolutely debilitating exercise-induced migraines ever since was a kid, in particular triggered by exercise in hot conditions, which made it impossible for me to run through summer even when I was in fairly decent shape. It took me until my late 20s to figure out that I had to supplement massively with electrolytes (big fan of nuun!) to make up for all the sweating, and ever since then I’ve been able to live a fairly normal life with the occasional advil thrown in.
By July 2020, I’d spent the first few months of the pandemic doing not much else and felt like I’d be physically able to do a run streak. Enter: #31DaysOfRunning.
What’s #31DaysOfRunning?
Real simple: #31DaysOfRunning is a running “challenge” where you commit to running a certain mileage every day of the month, for 31 days. Specifically, the version I know, is committing to running a minimum of 3.1 miles (5K) every day in July, one of the hottest months of the year in the northern hemisphere. And yeah, the weather is kind of the point.
Honestly, I can’t quite recall how I came across this hashtag on Instagram, but someone in the NYC running community posted about #31DOR and I decided to commit! According to MapMyRun, it was actually started by NYC folks a few years back… which doesn’t surprise me, given how hard people go in this city. We truly have no chill 🙂 Resident Runners, the NYC running crew lead by Ray who originally started the streak, keep a website up where you can sign up to “officially” participate in #31DOR and may be in the run for some Under Armour gear. According to their Instagram page it looks like it’s happening again this year!
The many faces of my 2020 #31DOR #hotgirlsummer #SWEATYAF
Why is #31DaysOfRunning such a game changer?
Habits! Y’all love habits!
First of all, this is the most obvious one: You do something every day for 31 days in a row, it will likely turn into a habit. Meaning, it’ll be easier to do it and it’ll come naturally to you without having to think about it much.
For me, not having to think about whether I’d run but only figure out some of the logistics (when, where, how long, do I have anything left to wear!?) took a lot of the procrastination and “I’ll do it tomorrow” out of my running and made me… JUST DO IT. It’s almost a relief to not have to play the eternal mind game of “will I, won’t I?”.
The other thing it made me good at was the actual logistics. I was able to significantly cut down the time it took me to get ready for a run, then shower afterwards and get ready for work or other activities, which still helps me today when I want to squeeze in a run but don’t have a ton of time.
Resilience, mental and physical
If there’s one thing you’ll get from running every single day during one of the hottest months of the year (at least in the northern hemisphere), it’s mental strength. Being able to deal with The Suck, aka the feeling of discomfort that’s clearly different from actual pain and non-threatening but it still sucks and you want it to stop. Especially during the first 10 days or so, I could definitely feel the physical strain on my body, but I also knew that my mileage had been high enough and my running consistent enough that I’d be able to handle it. I was just sore and felt, well, The Suck. I just kept going and after a couple of weeks, I had a mental shift that enabled me to run an easy 5K at pretty much any time without really noticing.
And after a while, there’s also some physical resilience happening. I wasn’t sore anymore after my 3 milers. It just felt… normal. Keep in mind, I didn’t have a pace goal whatsoever and kept a lot of these runs super easy.
Daily wins. Like, DAILY. WINS.
Every single time you put on your sneakers, get out of the house, and do even the tiniest little baby run, you will feel like you’re absolutely CRUSHING your goals. And you get that 31 days in a row. Pretty awesome.
I still remember coming back home from a bike packing trip (50 miles through rolling hills with an old bike and panniers full of camping gear), dropping off my gear, and going for a run at the East River track. My brain went “wtf are you DOING“, but I felt like I’d finally accomplished… something.
What stuck with me?
After finishing the run streak, I took a day off running, believe it or not. And then went right back at it the day after, because I felt like it. Sadly, I’d been dealing with a light injury which had been caused by a toe injury the year before, so at some point in September 2020 I had to put my running on hold to get some rest.
It did take me a while to get back into a running habit in early 2021 (also in part because I was worried about the injury returning…), but I never lost the ease with which I’d put on my sneakers and run. Going for a run isn’t a big deal anymore or takes much thought, it’s just part of what I do several days a week, even when I’m not necessarily feeling it. I know I’ll get into it once I’m running, and if not, I know I have the mental strength to push through The Suck… or I can just run back home.
And in that way, #31DOR did in fact change my life. I’m very much not the same person I was before that. I’ve developed a habit, something that I just “do” without thinking about it. I know I can do hard shit, like, really hard shit, much more than I thought I could.
Pick a minimum distance/duration to commit to. Classic #31DOR would be 3.1 miles/5K, but I’d say if you’re not running on the regular, this might be physically overwhelming. Pick whatever feels like a challenge, but where you know you’re not going to overwork your body. Commit to walking if you’re not a regular runner, but I would say if you do feel like running 31 days is physically possible, go for running. Even the lightest jog requires a different mindset from walking. And keep in mind, it’s a minimum, you can always do more. I probably ended up doing more miles about 50% of the time.
Find a good regular time, or just be ready to run whenever. That might mean early morning, midday heat, or 11pm at night. Make sure you have the right equipment (see below) and have some routes planned out that are suitable for different times – shady or breezy during the day, safe, well lit, and with plenty of people at night. You might end up circling your block 10 times… that’s life.
Have the right equipment and have it ready. That means: Sunscreen, hat, sunglasses, water if you’re going for a longer run, watch or phone, headlamp and reflective stuff if you’re running at night, something to hold your stuff. ELECTROLYTES (y’all know I’m obsessed with nuun).
Track every run (or walk) as a separate workout using your favorite app (Strava, MapMyRun, Nike Run, Garmin, etc.). This is about being intentional. “I happened to walk a lot today” doesn’t count, the point is to get into the habit of putting on your shoes and getting out the door.
Workout clothes logistics: You’ll be going through an insane amount of clothes because SWEAT. I usually take my outfit (shorts and bra) into the shower with me and rinse it in soapy water, then hang it up to dry. That way I’ll get 1-2 more runs out of it before it needs a proper wash. Yes, your bathroom will likely be covered in drying/wet workout clothes. That’s part of the fun.
Sign up with Resident Runners if you want to commit to the daily 3 miles and share your runs via MapMyRun! Apparently there may be some Under Armour gear happening…
And finally, share the fun! I’ll be posting daily updates with the #31DaysOfRunning #31DOR hashtags on Twitter with the day and my mileage and maybe a fun lil snap. Feel free to share and tag me (@spbail) too and I will be HYPING YOU UP.
But also: This is a challenge for yourself. Make it your own thing, whatever feels good. My mileage isn’t as high as it was last year and I’m still coming back from an injury, so I’m only committing to a 1 mile minimum (but I’ll likely do more if I feel it’s safe). I’ll be posting daily updates on Twitter with the hashtag! Let’s goooo!
When I joined Flatiron Health in February 2014, I had no idea what to expect. I had just moved to New York City – my second ever trip to the US – with two suitcases, crashed on my friend’s couch, and walked into the office in the middle of a snowstorm (I got in late on my first day because I was left stranded by the MTA – pro move!). I was on a 1-year visa and didn’t even know whether it was going to get extended after the year was up, or whether the 20-person startup I had just joined after finishing my PhD in England was even going to last that long.
Almost 5 1/2 years later I’m now looking back onto many late nights at the office, countless meals with my work family, a few drinks (just a few, really!), late night karaoke, rafting and ski trips, pipeline breaks and product launches, both great and absolutely horrifying client calls, several rounds of funding, an acquisition (us buying a company twice our size), another acquisition (this time us getting acquired), almost a thousand new employees, many farewells, wonderful relationships, challenging relationships, my first intern, my first direct report, my first time as a team lead, and my first goodbye to a company that I still talk about as “we” even though I officially left almost a month ago. As I like to tell people who ask me about my time at Flatiron: It’s been a wild ride.
So… what’s next? Honestly, I don’t know. I want to continue doing “data stuff”, but as a non-traditional (as far as the word “traditional” applies to a fairly new field) data scientist who puts data empathy and interpretability before building ML models, it’s going to be an interesting challenge to find the right fit for me. For now, I’m still based in NYC, enjoying the summer, plotting some travel, and reflecting on the things I’ve learned over the past few years.
PEOPLES. After 5 1/2 years in Manchester, a few weeks in Barcelona, and four months in Germany (living with my parents… oh the glamour!) I’ve somehow ended up working in New York. Yes, I have a job. I pay taxes. I’ve signed a lease for an apartment. I pay bills. I tried to apply for a credit card and got rejected. I’m a proper adult now, me. Life has been pretty crazy as you can possibly imagine, but here’s some pictures to keep you entertained while I’m gearing up for another round of mightaswell.
Sam Bail 
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