Playhouse: a year at (some of) Manchester’s theatres

I never realised I actually enjoyed going to the theatre. To be completely honest, I think I watched not more than four or five plays while I was living in Germany, including the two I actually acted in.* And all of a sudden, as soon as I had moved to Manchester, this just rocketed: maybe thanks to the cheap tickets for young people, maybe because I’m getting older, soon too old to classify as a young person anymore. Now that’s what I call a dilemma.

My theatrical excursions began early in 2010 with a trip to the Library Theatre to see Grimm Tales, a performance piece with music and dance, but far from being a musical. I loved the Library Theatre, the fact that you had to go down the stairs just right after the library entrance hall to end up in this subterranean playhouse, the red seats, the tiny little bar, and the ice cream vendors during the interval. Carol Ann Duffy’s adaptation was a dark and fascinating interpretation of the Brother Grimm’s tales, the performance was thoroughly enjoyable, and the set design had been crafted with love for detail. Solid.

My next trip was an introduction into the wonderful world of Gilbert & Sullivan, two names I had never heard of before witnessing the beginning of a rehearsal of the University’s G&S society. Lacking chairs in the rehearsal room, one of the members dramatically exclaimed ‘No more chairs! NO more CHAIRS!!’ which prompted an even more dramatical performance from the other actors. I kind of new what to expect then when buying tickets for The Pirates of Penzance: over-the-top singing from a 40 piece choir, dance choreographies, meticulous costumes and an enormously huge set. It was the night of the elections, and it seemed to me that – in preparation for the grim days to come – the troupe was singing for their lives, one last time. Impressive.

Shortly before or after that I saw The Comedy of Errors at the Royal Exchange Theatre, the theatre I seem to visit fairly frequently. My first ever live Shakespeare, and, as expected, I had serious trouble understanding the words – it didn’t help that one of the main characters was Scottish. I get modern day northern accents, and that’s about it. Don’t understand southerners, let alone any kind of old-fashioned English. Fortunately, I was at least vaguely familiar with the story and could follow to an extent that made it not completely unpleasant. Call me uneducated, but I still don’t find Shakespeare’s comedies particularly appealing. Unsurprising.

In June I saw one of my favourite plays – Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, again at the Library Theatre. My non-existing knowledge of English literature borders onto embarrassing, but I had neither read nor seen the play before. I spent the next two hours giggling in my chair, marveling at the costumes, getting excited about every single one of Lady Bracknell’s appearances on stage, and shaking my head at the characters’ stupidity – oh how I loved it! I really enjoyed watching this lovely ‘making of’ Earnest and a review of 60 years of Library Theatre. Marvellous.

It being summer, we engaged in the Great British tradition of outdoors theatre and picnic, as we went to see yet another Shakespeare – A Midsummer Night’s Dream – at Heaton Park. While our rug and M&S nibbles combo seemed satisfying at first, it looked rather pale compared to our neighbours’ picnic table, chairs, cutlery, wine glasses(!) and home made delicacies. You people know how to do a picnic. The weather was surprisingly nice, you could even say mild and sunny, the play was just as, well, mild, spiked with the ever present sexual innuendos, but enjoyable. The audience got involved to some extent, as we had our grapes stolen by an actor, while Puck – played by a young lady in a sequined showgirl-outfit – made herself comfortable on a gentleman’s lap. Summery.

Following a summer break, I went to see my last play of 2010 at the Royal Exchange, something I had been looking forward to for quite a while: Dr Faustus, a play by Christopher Marlowe, based on a German folk tale, which, pretty much exactly 200 years later, had been adapted by the greatest of our writers, Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. It was great to look at indeed, the devil’s little monsters were pretty scary in all their dancing and fighting, the acrobatic acts impressive, but it just lacked… something. The tragical side of the story seemed somewhat neglected in favour of effects, and I actually think I did a little power nap at some point. Epic.

What was your favourite play last year? Which one is your favourite theatre in Manchester?

* As a servant and a poet if you’re interested. One of the best things I’ve ever done, and I still find it astonishing what human beings are capable of when it comes to learning text. I can’t even remember other people’s names, but I easily memorized a one page monologue and recited it without errors over the course of several weeks.

We are nowhere, and it’s now: a trip to Urmston

Urmston. I mean, seriously. Just say it out loud a few times. Uuuurrrrmston. Apart from the general directon (Trafford-ish – which doesn’t mean that I have an idea where Trafford really is), sort of bottom left on my map of Manchester, I didn’t know much about Urmston. Having accidentally stumbled upon Beards of Manchester, Peter and Frances* asked us to deliver some calendars to their bookshop in Urmston – the perfect occasion for a little day trip!

The 23 Stagecoach took us from Chorlton to Stretford, down the seemingly never ending Urmston Lane which is lined with houses, houses, and some more houses. We passed the “Welcome to Urmston” sign which told us that it was not just a part of Manchester but an actual town, and when the bus dropped us off outside the library I said, to my own surprise, “it’s actually not as horrible as I thought it was!”

We didn’t have much time to explore the place, but came across a particularly classy furniture shop (see “shoe chair” photo above), “Isinglass” – voted one of Manchester’s best restaurants, Peter’s and Frances’ lovely little bookshop on Flixton Road, the Tim Bobbin – a very art deco-ish Wetherspoons, and the Green Room, a sports bar that also functions as the local meeting place for people with skinheads.

The tracksuits and shaved head-combo seems to be the latest fashion trend amongst the youth of Urmston – walking down Flixton Road, we saw dozens of teens in said attire, some of them suddenly running off in all directions. The police van and high-vis jacket wearing officers on the next junction who were talking to a similar looking group of kids and the proximity to a shopping centre didn’t leave too many questions unanswered.

The Steamhouse, a pub on the platform of Urmston rail station with the possibly weirdest table layout I’ve ever seen, was our last stop before boarding the train back into Manchester. Since it’s only a 10 minute train ride to Urmston, we’ll hopefully be back soon, with more time to explore the town (and by “town” I mean “the menu at Isinglass”).

* That is, Frances. She seemed genuinely excited by the Beards of Manchester calendar, while Peter only gave it, then us, a quick look that said something like ‘Ooookay. You two are clearly kray-zeeeh.’

Northern Lights: The great(ish) West Didsbury switch on

Y’alright tree! Boon army!

This wasn’t always the case, but I DO. LOVE. CHRISTMAS. Massively. Mainly because, since I have moved out from home, it means receiving a parcel with an advent calendar from my mum at the end of November, opening tiny numbered stockings every morning, going home shortly before Christmas, lots of snow, visiting the traditional Christmas markets in my home town, and finally sitting through a 5 hour food and presents marathon that is guaranteed to involve my family shouting (no concept of volume, none of them), me sneakily drinking one “special Christmas edition” beer after another, and the annual discussion “shall we go to church or stay in and have our pudding instead” with my uncle. Pudding always wins. Good Catholics wouldn’t let food go to waste, right?

Living in Manchester has added mince pies (yay), Christmas puddings (ok…), the Manchester Christmas markets (great if you enjoy full-on body contact with strangers and faux “authentic German Gluehwien”) and my flatmate making rather tasty mulled wine with Sainsbury’s own brand red (good Lord).

Thanks to the early snow and the Co-op’s 10 page leaflet with booze offers I was already feeling the “festive spirit”, and so I was delighted to hear about the Christmas tree switch on in West Didsbury*, which was organised by Didsbury Life and the West Didsbury Residents’ Association. I remembered that I had even donated some money for the tree in the form of a raffle ticket at this year’s West Fest!

When we arrived at 7pm, there were, well, us, two of the organisers, and 5 police officers, obviously waiting for ‘the great West Didsbury Christmas riots of 2010′ to kick off. Some fantastically tasty mini mince pies (from the Dish and Spoon cake shop. CAKE. SHOP.) and a cup of hot spiced cider later, a surprisingly large group of people had gathered on the other side of the road opposite the Christmas tree to listen to the carol singers. The fact that the traffic on the road hadn’t been stopped made for a hilarious and mildly bizarre experience – the children singing Christmas carols, with the odd noisy car going past, drowning out the (highly enthusiastic) singers and blocking the view every so often. Being the evil person I am, I had trouble not to die laughing as a double-deck Stagecoach went past.

Then, the great moment had finally arrived: Mr Clint Boon appeared out of nowhere, grabbed the megaphone and shouted his signature “Boon Army!” at the crowd. Through the power of the megaphone, he got the police to – finally – stop the traffic for his speech, which included gems such as

“Manchester is a suburb of West Didsbury” (whooping from the audience)

“…West Didsbury is a proper community…”

“…and our fantastic tree…where is it…ah here, on this side!”

“We’re going to count down from 10 and switch on the light now… where is the switch?”

“Have fun drinking, but don’t get drunk!” (more whooping from the audience)

And then the tree was lit. After seeing a bus driven by Father Christmas and covered in tinsels the other day, the minimalist decoration (lights and… well, that’s it.) of the tree was a tiny bit disappointing – can we all chip in for some shiny baubles and glittery tinsels next year please?

That was fun. Of course, it was a bit chaotic. Of course, you can’t expect to hand a megaphone to Clint Boon and have him deliver a grand speech. And of course, our West Didsbury Christmas tree is more “tree” than “Christmas”. But after the bonfire night at Platt Fields I have come to realise: things just are a little bit different here in Manchester – and everyone involved gets full marks for effort. As odd an event as it was, I loved it!

* YAWN! Another West Didsbury post. Promise, for the next posts I’ll move a little further than 5 steps outside my front door, yes?

[Photo by that hairy dude from Hey! Manchester]

The Fresh Queen of West Diddy

Now this is a story all about how
My life got flipped, turned upside down
I’d like to take a minute flowin fresher than Fiddy*
I’ll tell you how I became the queen of a place called West Diddy

In Southwest Germany, born and raised
on the school bench where I spent most of my days,
doing my homework, mathematics all cool
And all coding some websites outside of the school
When that one massive uni that looked pretty good
Made me an offer I could not refuse
I sent them one little letter and my mum was proud
She said ‘have a great time in Manchester, now get out!’

I whistled for a black cab and left in a hurry
The licenceplate said ‘MCR’ and it smelled of curry
If anything I could say this town was quite gritty
But I thought mightaswell stay here, welcome to West Diddy!

I pulled up to a house that was made from red bricks
And yelled to the cabby ‘I’m sorry, no tips’
Looked at my kingdom and it was rather pretty
So I settled my throne as the queen of West Diddy

I couldn’t resist. It was a particularly long bus journey. People of West Didsbury forgive me. You may now officially declare the end of the blogging world as we know it.

* That’s cool speak for Fifty Cent. Yo.

[Photo by blitzi]

Firestarter: My first ever bonfire night

Going out on bonfire night had always felt way too dangerous for me – the prospect of getting shot at with fireworks or chased by an angry mob with torches didn’t seem all that appealing. This year however, I was joined by fellow new Mancunian Paul (the gentleman who brings you Manchester Daily Photo) to watch fireworks, drink mulled wine and dodge some rockets.

The arrival at Platt Fields Park was somewhat overwhelming (Flood lights and police at the entrance! Thousands of people! Bright lights and noisy sounds from the funfair! Mud everywhere!), but we soon managed to find a nice place to watch the fireworks display which started out mildly disappointing, but grew steadily into an extravaganza of pyrotechnical awesomeness.

The music choice for the fireworks quickly convinced us that someone must have typed “fire” in their iTunes and hit shuffle. A trashtastic Eurodisco song with a lady moaning about her being a pyromaniac was followed by The Prodigy’s Firestarter – and I was convinced I could see some scallies raving their trainers off to those “bangin choonz” somewhere in the muddy puddles of Platt Fields.

Having blown up half of Manchester city council’s annual budget, the celebrations for Platt Fields  Park’s 100 year anniversary continued with Manchester’s own Poet laureate Mike “God is a Mancunian” Garryreciting “The Gift”, a lovely poem for the park – an effort that was completely lost in the murmur* of thousands of visitors. This was followed by a Mancunian cowboy-country-folk song praising the park with the chorus “Platt Fields, Platt Fields, you make me feel so true”, accompanied by a beatboxer. Yes, a beatboxer. A beatboxer who, at some point, broke into a five minute freestyle grime beat with the singer aimlessly yodelling “Platt Fiiieeeiiieeeellldsss”, turning it into a 15 minute monster of a birthday song. That was the point when, once again, I simply surrendered to the craziness of Manchester.

Playing for time while the Chinese lanterns where being lit, the speaker then began to thank supporters of the park and the festivities – one by one, a never ending list of names, which prompted the gentleman standing next to me to shout “Shut up” at the stage. If there’s one thing in Manchester that you can rely on, it is this: the rowdy mob never disappoints.

* Shouting.

[Lovely fireworks photos by Paul Capewell at Manchester Daily Photo]

Excellent things: Exploring lovely Levenshulme

As I promised (warned, that is) you last week, I went on a little trip to Levenshulme. As a loyal reader* of the South Manchester Reporter, I was aware of the existence of this area of Manchester, but could never really pin down what exactly constituted Levenshulme. Or what was happening there. Or who lived there. In order to battle my ignorance, the fab Helen from Love Levenshulme volunteered to put up with me for an afternoon and give me an introduction to the wonderful world of Levenshulme.

On a very lovely and very sunny Sunday, I climbed the stairs to the top deck of the 192, leaving behind Piccadilly and slowly moving down Stockport Road, past teenagers in sleeping bags camping outside the Apollo, through Ardwick and Longsight, finally getting off at Levenshulme rail station to meet my guide for the day. Our first stop was the absolutely brilliant POD deli which had its name from its location – a former post office! (Yeah that kind of stuff does get me quite excited.)

We spent almost two hours at POD, stuffing our little faces with delicious food and chatting away with Helen and her “almost next door neighbours”. “There are lots of families in Levenshulme!” they said, pointing at the children and prams squeezed into the tiny café. “Oh really?”, I replied. “I just thought it was well dodgy!”. I learned that, while certainly having its slightly more grubby areas, Levenshulme was full of families, a large student population, parks, and a lovely little creative scene, which was proved by the handmade cards and brooches displayed at POD.

We only just managed to drag ourselves off the chairs at POD and move further down the road, past a phone box that looked like it had been the location of a very long and potentially very interesting phone call, containingsix emtpy cans of Skol Super – a 9% lager. Welcome to Levenshulme.

We arrived at the mysterious “Antiques Village”, which, as it turned out, wasn’t an actual village, but an old council building that had been turned into an antiques shopping mall. We explored the little museum-like shops that had bits and bobs crammed in up to the ceiling, including a creepy self-inflating Michelin man, discovered the amazing Agaphantus Antiques shop (ooh! Shiny!) that Helen had only just mentioned on Love Levenshulme, and had a cup of tea from the little café in the village. And that’s where my trip to Levenshulme ended – distracted by lovely food, lovely chats, and shiny things, I didn’t actually manage to explore the dingy backstreets I had been hoping for. I suppose there is only one way to solve this (terrible, teeeerrrible) problem: I have to come back to Levy as soon as possible!

Special notice: Love Levenshulme are running a photo competition titled “Levenshulme Loves”. The deadline is on Wednesday 3rd November, so I recommend you pay a visit to Levy, snap some awesome pictures (i.e. better than what you see below…) and send them in as soon as you can. Fame awaits you!

* When we first moved down here, we used to put the South Manchester Reporter in the bathroom as toilet reading material. Now it just goes straight into the recycling.

Bonkers: The most bizarre bus journey of my life.

Aah, yes, public transport. My favourite topic to talk about in Manchester, always worth a good rant. In this case however, it’s less of a rant and more of an astonished and incredulous account of the most bizarre bus adventure I have had in the two years living in this city. It was so bizarre, I even created a new “Bizarre” category for it.*

And it came to pass in those days that a festival was taking place on the green pastures of Platt Field’s park, and the lone traveller (that’s me! Hello!) embarked on a long and eventful journey from Southern Suburbia into the heart of the Sacred City…

Up until Fallowfield, people getting on the bus were the usual Saturday night crowd, i.e.  hordes of loud and drunk students. We were joined by a group of families who had just come from the Lacrosse tournament where Canada had been beaten by the US. Due to unforeseen circumstances (“What do you mean? Thousands of people at a festival at Platt Field’s could cause a traffic chaos? Naahhh…”) the bus got stuck at a traffic light just at the far end of the park. And this is where it all started…

“Mate, I’m not being funny, but you’ve got the biggest car in the road. Just drive!” was the first advice the slightly intoxicated gentleman in one of the front seats gave the bus driver, only seconds before the young men in the car next to us started blowing a vuvuzela. The gentleman on the bus decided to answer this call for his attention by climbing on the bus seat, pulling down his trousers and exposing his pale backside to our neighbours, gently rubbing it on the bus windows. The bus driver, surrendering himself to the fate of having to drive the Wilmslow Road route on a Saturday night, simply acknowledged this stunt with a gentle laugh, silently awaiting the end of his shift. As we had been stuck at the traffic light for almost ten minutes, the gentleman, now wearing his trousers in the right place and obviously having filled his bladder with  several pints of liquids before the bus journey, asked the bus driver if he could open the doors for him to jump out and relieve himself in the wild.

On returning to the bus, he engaged in a conversation with the girls on the seats behind him (one of whom was wearing slippers because “it hurt. And… it hurt!”), only to rise again after a few minutes and announce:“Ladies and gentlemen! It’s Melissa’s birthday today! While we’re stuck on the bus, we might as well sing happy birthday for her!”, which lead to the entire bus, first cautiously, then enthusiastically singing a birthday song for our fellow traveller.

10 minutes and 10 metres later, the bus opened the door for another wee break. This time however, the gentlemen returning to the bus and running upstairs to the top deck did not resemble the two travellers that had been with us all night. “Oh GREAT we’re getting burgled on the bus because that guy had to go for a wee!” was my first thought. Turned out that, as the two chaps were kind enough to explain on exiting the bus, the drunk students on the top deck had been “shouting abuse” at them and they wanted to give them a slap on the wrist – fortunately, only figuratively. The worried bus driver was kind enough to ask the gentlemen who were returning from their toilet trip to check upstairs if “everything was ok up there”. They descended from the top deck with an “everything ok” and two cans of beer in their hands, which they happily opened and consumed straight away.

By the time we had passed the traffic jam on the infamous curry mile, everyone on the bus was either drunk and engaging in lively conversation / singing / further drinking, or mildly shocked and silently shaking their heads.

As we approached the final bus stop, a group of students coming downstairs quickly identified the families in the back as supporters of the Canadian Lacrosse team, which lead one of them to a weak attempt at consoling the Canadians for their loss by praising their magnificent country. And so the Finglands 41 service pulled into Piccadilly Gardens, accompanied by dozens of students singing the Canadian national anthem. The bus stopped. The doors opened. It was all over.

* Things like that get me very excited sometimes. The excitement lasts for about 7 seconds until I realise that I’m a sad, sad geek.

[Photo: “Iwouldstay”]

Neighborhood #2: Only in Levenshulme…

Continuing with my version of Urban Exploration (bus, cups of tea and charity shops rather than climbing, tunnels and building sites), I am going to explore Levenshulme next week! Helen* from Love Levenshulmeoffered to show me around on Sunday 24 October – and, us being all Web 2.0 and stuff, we’re going to crowd source our itinerary for the trip!

Send us to the cosiest cafes, the best bars, the fanciest shops and tastiest sandwich places. Or, if you’ve been thinking “GOSH that Sam person annoys the HELL out of me” for a while now, take the opportunity and direct me to the grubby grimey places and the dodgy pubs. All welcome. Email Helen your suggestions or pop over to Love Levenshulme and comment on the post. I’ll report back from our adventures after the 24th!

* Responsible for twitter gems like “Someone next door is either having really loud sex or currently giving birth. Probably both. Only in Levenshulme…”

Beards of Manchester, or: The hairiest two weeks of my life.

Manchester seems to be full of fantastic beards, some big and bushy, others neatly trimmed, and others perfectly styled, curled and waxed. Joining me at the Noah & The Whale show at Manchester Cathedral a few months ago, my (clean shaven and bald) friend Dan from Cambridge was almost shocked by the amount of facial hair the city’s population sports on their faces.

I doubt this is related to a particular Mancunian fashion trend in any way and mainly an expression of 1) “don’t care” attitude 2) laziness 3) a tendency to sleep in 4) vanity (beards are great for hiding wrinkles), and 5) the membership card to the secret fellowship of the fuzz.

And so we thought to ourselves: well, wouldn’t it be nice to get some of the finest beards together for a photo exhibition – or a calendar – or both? What started out as a funny little idea, born at the Deaf Institute on a not too unusual Wednesday night, quickly turned into a bit of a whirlwind, or shall I say facial hair hurricane over night. As it happens when two people with too little time and too many ideas get together, we (that is, me and Chris “Hey Manchester” Horkan) jumped right into “Project Beard” and launched the Beards of Manchester website – only to be completely blown away by a neverending stream of emails with beardy faces, press request and countless tweets.

There has been surprisingly little discussion about the potential issues arising with the ‘masculinity’ aspects of facial hair. I am the first person to speak out* about anything that might be considered offensive or sexist, but in the context of ‘Beards of Manchester’ we hope it has become clear that we accept facial hair as something some people simply HAVE and others don’t, regardless of sex/gender or how ‘masculine’ they are. Judging by the positive feedback from women and the pictures of bearded ladies we received, we consider our project as fairly un-offensive and open to everyone. I really hope I’m not completely misled here.

The submission for the calendar ended last night after a crazy 14 days, with an incredible 208 photos of beardy men and women in the gallery. We’re going to pick our favourites for the calendar photo shoot, prepare the launch party at Common on 21st October and hope to sell as many Beards of Manchester 2011 calendars as possible – all profits will go to the Lifeshare charity in Manchester. Looks like my fuzzy life isn’t quite over yet…

* complain, moan and rant.